Just for laughs: Jokes about Michigan
POLL: See our favorite 5 jokes and vote for the funniest one
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Need to get a Michigan fan's goat about the big game? Try these jokes submitted by our users:
Extras
Q:What do UM fans and LeBron James have in common?
A: Their mom gave them their first Hummer!
- Submitted by Jeff Frantz
Q: Why did Michigan have to get rid of their Astroturf surface?
A: So the cheerleaders would stop grazing.
- Submitted by Steven "Tex" Dorsey and Kyle Borton
Q: Why did Michigan remove the grass from the field in the Big House?
A: Because the Michigan cheerleaders kept grazing at half-time.
- Submitted by Robert Delloma
Q: What type of battery is needed to charge a wolverine?
A: A one double AA Battery.
- Submitted by -Kathy Pedroff
Q: What's the difference between the unibomber and Charles Woodson?
A: The unibomber actually got his degree from Michigan!
- Submitted by Matt Grable
Q: What kind of car does Jim Tressel own?
A: Lloyd Carr
Q: What's the difference between a University of Michigan fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q: What does the average University of Michigan student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.
Q: How many University of Michigan freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: How do you get a Michigan Graduate off your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.
Q: What did the Michigan graduate say to the Ohio State graduate?
A: "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"
Q: Why should the University of Michigan change its name to the "Opossums"?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
Q: What do you get when you cross a groundhog and a Wolverine?
A: Six more weeks of bad football.
Q: How do you make Wolverine cookies?
A: Put them in a big bowl and beat them for three hours.
Q: What do you get when you have a basement full of Michigan fans?
A: A Whine Cellar.
Q: How do you get to Ann Arbor from Columbus?
A: You go north until you smell it and west until you step in it.
- Submitted by -Rick Blankenship
Q: Did you hear about the Michigan terrorist sent to blow up the OSU team bus?
A: Burned his lips on the tailpipe.
- Submitted by Submitted by Tom Frigge
Q: What did the Michigan Graduate say to the Ohio State Graduate?
A: "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"
- Submitted by Melody J. Metz
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Michigan library?
A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
- Submitted by Bob Hancock
Q: What kind of automobile does Jim Tressell own?
A: A Lloyd Carr.
- Submitted by Doug Mick
Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Ann Arbor?
A: Columbus, OH 186 Miles.
- Submitted by Amy Cooper
Q: Whad to you call a Wolverine living in Ohio Stadium?
A: Lunch!
- Submitted by John Daugherty Jr.
It was reported that the Michigan Football Coach Lloyd Carr will only be dressing 20 players for the Ohio State game ... the rest of the players will have to dress themselves!
- Submitted by Lindsay Warner (all)
Did you hear that the University of Michigan library burned to the ground? All five books in the library were completely destroyed ... the football team is really upset by the fire; they hadn't colored in two of the books yet!
- Submitted by Lindsay Warner (all)
Lloyd Carr has lost the playbook for the game this weekend... Unfortunately, he wasn't done coloring it yet.
- Submitted by Lindsay Warner (all)
GOT MORE TIME? TRY THESE:
Michigan fan and the genie
A Michigan fan is walking along the shores of lake Michigan and finds a magic lamp. He rubs it and a genie pops out. The gennie says, "I can give you one wish, but it has to be easy because i've been locked in the lamp for a while and I'm rusty at this wish stuff."
So the Michigan fan thinks and says, "I know! I want peace in the Middle East." The genie says, "Wow! That's hard. I said make that wish easy."
The michigan thinks some more and says, "I know I want Michigan to beat Ohio State in football this year."
The genie says, "Shoot! What the heck did i do with that map of the Middle East!"
- Submitted by Mark and Sandy Wilker
Ice fishing competition
Once upon a time, there was a season when neither Ohio State nor Michigan made a post-season bowl game. It seemed so unusual that the teams figured there should be some sort of competition anyway. So they got together and decided on a week-long ice-fishing competition. On the first day, Ohio State caught 100 fish and Michigan caught none. On the second day, Ohio State had caught 200 fish and Michigan still had zero. The Michigan coach, suspecting cheating, dressed one of his players in scarlet and gray and sent him to the Ohio State camp to act as a spy. At the end of the day, the player came back to the report.
"Are they cheating?" asked the coach.
"They sure are," the player said. "They're cutting holes in the ice!"
- Submitted by Richard Faust
Donating Michigan to Canada
I once heard of a group of Ohio State students who got together a petition to donate Michigan to Canada. They got hundreds of thousands to sign it and sent it to the White House. President Clinton loved the idea and asked Canada if they would like some new territory.
Naturally the Canadian government was intrigued by this and asked what they were getting. Well, Clinton said "We will give you Michigan, free of charge."
Canada replied, "We refuse to accept such a vile offer. Give us Ohio and we'll be satisfied."
Clinton replied, "Sorry, but we cannot make that deal: Ohio is the only reason TRUE college football exists in this country!"
- Submitted by Marissa Reeves
Michigan family goes shopping
A Michigan family of football supporters for The University of Michigan head out one Saturday to do their Christmas shopping. While in the sports shop, the son picks up an Ohio State jersey and says to his older sister, "I've decided to become a Buckeye fan and I would like this for Christmas."
His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him around the head and says, "Go talk to mother."
"Yes, son?"
"I've decided I'm going to be a Buckeye fan and I would like this jersey for Christmas."
The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head and says, "Go talk to your father!"
Off he goes with the Ohio State jersey in hand and finds his father.
"Yes, son?"
"I've decided I'm going to be an Ohio State fan and I would like this jersey for Christmas."
The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head and screams, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in That!"
About half an hour later, they're all back in the car and driving toward home. The father turns to his son and says, "Son, I hope you've learned something today."
The son says, "Yes, Dad, I have."
"Good, son. What is it?"
"I've only been a Buckeye fan for a little more than an hour and I already hate you Michigan bastards!"
- Submitted by Richard Knipp
ONE FOR THE MICHIGAN FANS:
Little Kristen
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Ohio State fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they're OSU fans too. Not really knowing what an OSU fan is but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks
There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
"Because I'm not a Buckeye." "Then," asks the teacher, "What are you?" "Why I'm a proud Michigan Wolverine fan," boasts the little girl.
The teacher is perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a rebel.
"Well, my mom and dad are Michigan Wolverine fans, so I'm a Wolverine, too."
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile.
"Then," says Kristen, "I'd be a Buckeye."
- Submitted by Catherine Green
